


So Easy to Hurt You

by DrimmsyDra



Category: The A-Team (TV)
Genre: Episode Related, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:47:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28222638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrimmsyDra/pseuds/DrimmsyDra
Summary: Face is upset and grumpy after a night he was forced to spend locked up in Murdock's room in the VA. Murdock watches him, having an inner dialog.
Relationships: H. M. "Howling Mad" Murdock/Templeton "Faceman" Peck
Comments: 5
Kudos: 12





	So Easy to Hurt You

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfiction is based on the episode Mind Games. Face was mistaken for Murdock and dragged to the VA. Hannibal decided to punish him for being too blind to danger and they left Face to spend a night in Murdock's room. The Team got him out very early in the morning and they went to breakfast together. And there the story begins.
> 
> Warning: This story is sweet and naive. It contains no real action, it's mostly about Murdock's thoughts and observations.  
> 

Leaving the diner which smelled of fried eggs and strong coffee, I look around the parking lot. There he is, standing on a small grassy patch under the only tree in the area. Its leaves are gray-green, covered with dust from the nearby road, but it's still a nice piece of nature here.

Face tilts his head back, looking at the crown of the full-grown, woody guy, his blond hair gleaming in the morning sun, shining over the half empty parking lot like a living lighthouse. He just stays there idle, apparently deeply inhaling the scent of a new day, enjoying the sweet taste of freedom.

You really hated to be there, in the VA, didn't ya, Facey? Blame us – me! - for havin' to spend last night locked in my room. Well, it's your own fault, muchacho. You shouldn't have put on my clothes. You shouldn't have pretended to be me. 'Cause you don't wanna be me. Although your life would be easier then. Not nicer, but definitely easier.

I've been watchin' you all morning. Except for your order, you didn't say a word during breakfast. Ate your eggs and bacon in silence, focused on chewing, and as soon as you finished your second coffee, you left the table. Grumpy, aggrieved and offended.

C'mon, Face. It couldn't be that bad sleepin' there one night, could it? I know it couldn't. I sleep there almost every night. All alone, not even knowin' where you guys are.

You know what? For once in a really long time, you could feel safe. Sure, the wire mesh in the window won't let you out. But it also won't let anything in. No police. No MPs. Not the whole fuckin' US Army. Nothing at all. And you were me. Without my demons 'cause they haven't found you yet. And I was keepin' all your business, the good and the bad things, for you. For one night.

Oh yeah, but you think that while you were stuck in there, I was havin' fun with her, right? Sushi and ballet and all those other things including the serenade of the bed springs… well, I could have had that. But I'm not you, not really. Don't wanna be you. It might have looked like I wanted to, with all that Hunkman stuff. Yeah, I kinda enjoyed it, but it wasn't me. I was just keepin' your work going.

I don't belong to that woman, Face. Definitely not. Not even for one night. Don't belong to any woman at all and never will. 'Cause I'm not interested. I'm just… not interested.

But you still think I am, huh? Keep sendin' out those vibes of anger and shame, feelin' so upset and hurt...

Oh, Facey, it's so easy to hurt you. Easy for your enemies when they know how to do it, but even easier for your friends. Even if they don't want to. Especially if they don't want to. It scares you when someone cares. And you don't wanna be scared. You don't want anyone too close to you. Don't wanna be loved. It always makes you run away when someone cares too much. You never let anyone get too close 'cause whenever you did, that person hurt you. Over and over again. 'Cause it's damned easy to hurt you. But you never see the whole picture, ya know. These things happen and always lead us to something else. They teach us what we need to know. Show us what we need to see. Tell us what we need to hear. But you don't look and listen, you see and hear nothin' over those walls you've built.

I keep watching him, unnoticed, until the oncoming pickup truck interrupts his silent meditation and I can see even from this distance that he takes a deep breath before moving slowly toward the Van parked nearby.

He's beautiful. When he walks it's almost like dancing. And those tight jeans he wears... he changed his clothes as soon as the Van door closed behind him. Hidden from the prying eyes of people from the VA, he threw my jacket at me as if it had been my idea that he was wearing it. Which it hadn't. But I'm glad he took it anyway. He only had my jacket for a very short time, yet it smells like him now. Yeah, okay, it's just a faint hint of his scent, I have to concentrate hard to catch it. But when I do it's… very pleasant.

Reaching the Van, he slides the door open and slips inside, not wanting to be disturbed, not wanting to be found by anyone, neither friends nor strangers.

Jeez, Facey… you really don't see it; that important, little fact that real friends care 'cause they want to. They wanna get close 'cause they really love you and don't intend to leave you. Especially one of them… but you can't see it. Not yet…

Well, never mind.

I'm right here, ya know. Waitin' outside the walls, knockin' gently on your door every time I feel you need me. And it's up to you when you open it. 'Cause one day... one day you're gonna open up your eyes and see that I'm standin' there. And you'll realize that you're there and I'm here and that it's a lotta better to be together on the same side of the wall. One day you're gonna open the door and let me in…

Before I realize that my body has set in motion, I'm walking through the parking lot, following him.

The Van is still open so I can see him sitting on his seat with his legs outstretched in front of him, head tilted back resting on the back of the seat, those blue eyes closed. His face looks worn, extremely tired. Not expecting any of us to leave the diner so soon, he drops some of his defense systems for a while, allowing himself to sink into his misery. But when I stop right beside the Van, he raises his head, putting on all his available masks again.

"Uhm... sorry..." he says, moving his legs out of my way so I can climb inside without stepping on them accidentally. His voice sounds almost normal, but only almost. I hear a hint of anger. I know he wants to be alone a little longer. And he doesn't want to be caught bare, exposed to the world. To his friends.

I don't move; don't get in the Van, but I don't go away either. I just watch him again, this time standing only a few feet away from him. And there is something in those ocean blue eyes, something I didn't notice in the restaurant. Well, it was hard to look him straight in the face there, he avoided meeting the eyes of any of us. And I suddenly know why. I can see it now. He tries very hard to hide it, but I can see it. And it all makes damned sense.

He wants to be alone. But not 'cause he's offended or upset. He's ashamed. And he isn't ashamed 'cause I was him and was so good that the woman preferred me. He's ashamed, 'cause this time it was him who was walking away, leaving us behind. But he didn't actually leave, he returned in disgrace, and it was even worse.

Oh Facey…

We talked about it when we got him out of danger. Not much; none of us wanted to rub salt in his wound. Not before he could lick it a little. But he knows the jokes will come.  
That's how it always goes, making fun of each other as every reason to laugh is welcome. And we all know it's just fun. But do we ALL really know that?

You're still not sure, are you, Facey? You expect that we'll throw it at you like a rotten tomato the moment you think we've forgotten. You expect us to punish you. Expect us to push you away 'cause hell, you wanted to leave so get out! Leave us alone and go wherever you want!

You expect all of that, unable to believe that we're all here for each other. Including you.

Oh, poor Facey... please, let me in, 'cause I can't wait any longer... it hurts to see you like that... hurts to leave you in this state...

I can't stop myself. And I don't think I would do it, even if I could. My body finally moves, but instead of climbing in past him, I lean over and cup his face with my hands.

His eyes widen as I look straight into them while our noses almost touch. I'm trapped in that blue ocean for a second before my mouth finds his and presses against it. He's so shocked he doesn't try to push me away or pull away. Eventually, his lips part, and I know it's just 'cause he wants to say something. Probably to ask what the hell I'm doin' or if I'm really, REALLY crazy. I don't let him speak. Uninvited, my tongue slips into the warmth of his mouth and mixes the taste of his strong black coffee with my sweet coffee with milk. Just as his bitterness mixes with my pure love for him; it struggles for its place, trying to keep his world as dark and bitter as his morning black drink, but it has no chance. Sweetness overwhelms everything. And he feels it. He melts under my hands, gives in, following me into the light…

The warning bell starts to ring on the very edge of my perception, and when I focus on it, familiar, yet still distant, voices reach my ears. I force myself to break the kiss. I see those big blue eyes again, but their gaze has changed. There is no time to look into them longer, no time to search for the essence of the whole change in them. I turn away, dropping my body on my seat.

"Murdock…"

It's just a quiet whisper, just one word, my name. I feel his hand on my elbow. It slides down my arm and I grab it. Hold his hand and time stops. Just for a moment, only one second. And in that second, our whole universe, mine and his, is hidden inside our interwoven hands. Then the driver's and front passenger's doors open at the same time and our fingers disengage. Before Hannibal and BA show up inside, I'm nestled on my seat, looking like I've been sitting there for hours.

"Still grumpy, Face?" Hannibal asks as he sees Face turning his head away. He only gets a low growl instead of an answer.

The Colonel doesn't hear the difference. He can't see the blush on Face's cheeks, he just can't know. But I know. I see it. I hear it.

It's so easy to hurt you, Facey. It's so damned easy. But I won't let it happen again.

The End

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written thanks to a sentence that sneaked into my mind out of the blue. It was like hearing Murdock's voice telling "it's so easy to hurt you". This sentence echoed in my head over and over so I focused on it and caught other Murdock's thoughts. This is the result. I guess that sometimes I need to write something simple, sweet and silly.
> 
> As always, big thanks to Tessa54 for editing my English.


End file.
